Words where have you been....

 I've been so quiet this whole year.

There are several reasons for it, but mostly a lot of hard things happened that made it difficult to write about anything else.  But I want a voice again so I'm trying to re-find my words this summer.

I'm currently back in NYC interning for the break and I'm so thankful.  I became very burnt out towards the end of this year and the idea of New York was something that gave me a lot of hope.

I've been living in Brooklyn the past month and had a solid hour subway ride each time I had to go into midtown so I did a lot of reading.  I've been reading Eat, Pray, Love and there's this part in the book that made me pause -  it's that moment when Liz is with friends, and she's asked to give one word that describes herself perfectly as a whole.

I'm still trying to figure out what my word is.  I think it constantly changes for everyone depending on the season we're in.   Right now my word is "heal."  It's more of a word that I'm trying to get to.  To be healed.  I don't know what it looks like but I'm here trying to get that this summer.

My most healing moments so far have been just the nights I've spent sitting on the stoop of my apartment listening to Matt Corby and hoping by osmosis to soak up every bit of energy the city has floating in the air. I don't know if I feel fully healed, but I'm at least in a different place than before.

To quote a beautiful book, "I am both happy and sad at the same time, and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."  And that's enough of a change for right now.

xx

(The above collage is a project from this past school year.  I'm still editing it, but I'll post more from that project soon).

Updates

So many of you wrote such kind and sincere words on my previous "ice-breaker" post and that honestly meant a lot.  It made me feel less insecure about my slow posting time, which I admit is something that happens more than I like.  So thank you all for your encouragement!

I made A LOT this past school quarter.  I left Savannah for break only a few days after finals so unfortunately I didn't get a chance to photograph it all before I left.  I'll be back in January so hopefully I'll be able to then.  I do have a few detail images on my instagram though if you'd like to check that out.

In the mean time, I thought it's about time I share my website!  I got it up and running in the summer - there are still a few kinks and changes to be made, but overall I'm happy to finally have a working website. 

I'm currently back in NYC interning and working again over Christmas break!  I'm very happy to be back and I'll try to write more about it soon.  Till then, happy to be posting again! 

A Post About Nothing

I sat in front of my laptop for the past hour in contemplation of what in the world to write about.  I have written and rewritten three separate drafts, all with different topics, and somehow I'm still not satisfied with any of them.  They're all perfectly fine posts, I guess, but each of them has nothing to do with what's really on my heart or mind at this moment.  I think the problem is it's just been too long since I've written anything.

You know, it's kinda like that moment when you run into a close friend who you haven't seen in years.  There's so much to say, but you don't even know where to start so in the end somehow you talk about none of the really important things.  That's kinda how those past three drafts have felt like to me.

So instead I chose to write about nothing!  This post has no content other than to say that too much has happened for me to put it all into one post.  So instead, share your patience with me as I post this as an ice-breaker-post for hopefully better writings in the future.

Until then, I'm going wayyy back into the photo archive of this blog to when I was 15 and enjoying a long summer's day of butterfly catching.  This was back when I was still using a point and shoot camera and the 10 second self-timer to take self portraits.

Happy Friday!  

A Day at the Beach

All photographs are self portraits taken by myself using a tripod

Styling:  Esther Boller

It's currently a storming morning in NYC.  I can feel the rainy breeze, and soft echo of thunder coming in through the open window as I'm sitting in the living room writing this post.  It's quite the opposite wheather than these photos that I took last summer while in Michigan, but still non the less lovely.  I've always loved rainy days, and it's a nice change since it's been so hot and humid the past few weeks.  

I realized while editing these photos that I have not been swimming since I took them, and it's my quest to try to go this summer while I'm in NYC.  I've been researching free outdoor pools and I found one called The Floating Pool which looks like the most incredible experience!  I've been working 7 days a week for the past month, but the next moment I have a day off I'm making it happen.  

Outfit:  Swimsuit:  Asos, Swimming cap: Vintage, Sunglasses: Target

Also, while I was researching pools I found these cool photos of NYC swimming pools in the 1930s.  Aren't they spectacular looking?!

 Also, I wanted to thank everyone who said such sweet words about my cat Bobbie!  It was so kind, and he lived a long good life.  

Xx

Esther 

Summer Sewing: Vintage 1950s Beach Shorts

All photographs are self portraits taken by myself using a tripod.

Styling:  Esther Boller

Last summer was a very productive time of sewing, photography, and playing around creating.  In fact it was was a little too productive. I'm just now finding the time to edit some of the photos/projects from last summer (40 gigabytes of photos and I vow never again to let it get that bad stocked up again.  Maybe).

I started making these shorts that I'm wearing years ago.  Probably sometime in high school, but I just finished sewing them last summer.  That's the thing with textile creatives - we always have 10 projects going on at once!

I'm currently working a part-time job at a yarn/fabric shop in NYC called Purl Soho and it's heaven for the textile lover!  If you're in NYC stop by and say hi.  They also have a great project blog called The Purl Bee.  Anyway, the most common conversation that I have with other makers is about how we always have a bazillion projects going on at once.   It's just so easy to get excited about a new project and leave the old one behind for a while.  That is, until I realize that I have 10 left-behind projects that need finished.  I find this especially easy to do with knitting.

Well these shorts were one of the 15 projects that took a little longer to finish.  But I finished them just in time for when I went on vacation in Michigan last June.  They were perfect for the beach, and so comfortable.  I made them from a vintage Annie Adams pattern and I've been making new variation of these same shorts for years.  The fit is just so comfy.

I always get in a 1950s inspiration kick whenever I know I'm going to the beach.  So naturally the styling and editing of the photos were done to reflect that era.  

Head Scarf, sunglasses, tank top, and belt:  Thrifted,  Necklace:  Red Clover Boutique,  Shorts:  Handmade by me

Also, Leon Bridges has been the soundtrack to my life so far this summer.  Check out his tunes if you haven't already!

Xx
Esther 

A Girl and Her Cat

My oldest and dearest friend of 19-years left earth today. There's something special and sweet about a pet's soul.  They have so much love to give and they share it in the simplest ways.  They're light little puffs of light to each day.  

Bobbie was my first pet that I ever had.  I got him when I was 18-months-old and we had a thick bond from the beginning.  He was one of those rare gems of a cat with the loyalty and tendencies of a dog.  He lived outside, and since we were in the country I spent most of my childhood days outdoors playing.  

He'd follow me on all my adventures.  I'd go fishing in our pond - well he'd be sitting right beside me to see what I'd catch (or more likely didn't).  I'd go walking in our woods, and 10 feet behind me there he was coming to join.  He came with me on all my photo shoots, and I've had to Photo Shop his tail out of a lot of the final images.  

There was a tree in my front yard that on the 2^nd large branch up to the left there was a nook against the trunk that fit the spine of my back perfectly.  This made for a fantastical knitting escape, and I would climb up and knit for hours in elementary school.  It was deemed the title “The Knitting Tree” by everyone in my family.  No one bothered me when I was there, and I was able to focus on what I was doing: needle in through the front, yarn over, pull through, slip the stitch off, repeat all afternoon long.  

Of course, 5 minutes into knitting, I hear this scratching noise and of course it's Bobbie climbing up the tree to see what I'm working on.  He'd sit to the branch next to mine and keep me company as I knit, purl, knit, till someone called me inside. Then we'd both hop down from our spots and walk back to the house together, 

The Knitting Tree

Bobbie also had the appetite of a dog.  I had a routine of swinging in a tree in my backyard at least once a day.  One time I was swinging and snacking on some Saltine crackers when Bobbie hopped up on my lap and nudged me with such a fervor that I just had to give him a part of a cracker.  He LOVED it.  From there I tested other foods on his palette and found that he enjoyed peanuts, mini marshmallows, and completely flipped for raisins.  Again the loyalty and appetite of a dog.  

He was also the best listener.  Whenever my brother Daniel was in the hospital I'd go outside and talk to Bobbie about it.  He was always there to lend a listening whisker as I rubbed his sweet spot between his ears.  

Losing a pet is, of course, not as severe as many other sad things that happen in life, but I decided to share these memories, because it's still worth taking a moment to remember a dear sweet soul that is no longer on earth today.

Bobbie, you were the best cat, dog, knitting/saltine eating companion a girl could ask for.  All the peace in the world little friend <3>

The Green Gables

 All photographs are self portraits taken by myself using a tripod.
Styling:  Esther Boller

I remember the first time that I felt homesick for Indiana after moving to school in Savannah.  It was about half way trough fall quarter and I was helping a friend with a photo shoot.  We drove past the marshes just outside of the city, and it was my first time out of the downtown area.  As I looked out over the marshes I realized, "It's - So - Open."  There was so much space for my eyes to breathe.

Growing up in Indiana I was always surrounded by flat corn and soy bean fields, so my eyes grew up with the privilege to look out for miles at a time.  In that moment in the marshes, there was so much space again, and I didn't even realize how much I had been craving that till I had it again. 

Well the other day, I walked the Chelsea High line (my favorite place to walk in NYC so far) and I was soaking up every chance I got to see out past 100 feet.    I'm very happy that I found a place for my eyes to "breathe" in NYC.   I figure that no matter where I move, as long as I'm able to get a place to look out, I'll be ok.   

Hat:  H&m, tank top: forever 21, Skirt: muslin tulle skirt I found in the throw-away bins at school.  Belt:  Goodwill.  

Photos taken last summer while on a camping trip in Michigan with my family.  More photos from that trip are on the way.

Xx
Esther