Bee Story Process

I used to be terrified by process.  When explained by professors so much of it was left open, and while there are no rules necessarily, there are a lot of unspoken rules.  In the beginning of each class I would hear, "Process is about experimenting so experiment!"  When in reality what they actually meant was, "highly curate each page so it looks pretty."

After an entire afternoon of trying to curate pretty and cohesive pages and feeling so frustrated because it just wasn't working, my friend Hope came over and shown some light on process.  She was a senior when I was a sophomore and always had a talent for knowing what to say so I'd feel normal in the midst of my struggling.

"I feel like I just don't get process!  But that's stupid, because process is about me and what inspires me!"

Then her calm voice parts the waters and says,"The thing about process is, it gets better the more you do it." And somewhere in that moment it's like my brain clicked and I realized "Hey, it's ok.  You're still figuring this out."

Since then, I started just playing around and figuring out what I like.  Through the years I've found what I like and what I don't and now process comes more naturally and it's not so much of a fight.  This is what my process looks like now.  I'm sure it'll look different at the end of next year too, because process is always growing and will continue to redefine itself in different ways for the rest of my life, but this is what my process looks like right now.

Experimenting with acetate printing on fabric and cut out paper bees dipped in old resin that turned yellow and rememinded me of honey.

Bee embellishment and knitwear.

Bee embelishment on PVC and denim. 

I've shared the meaning behind this bee story in the past if you'd like to read about it.  Next post will be more process pages. 

xx

Family Stories Pt. 2

Thank you all for your kind comments about this project so far!  I'm sharing today what all the layers look like together.  This is my favorite part of this project, because it really shows it all as a story. 

The above video is a little short stop motion trailer - I'm trying to make it into a longer motion media where I take each layer, zoom in, and move it so all the layers feel like one continued interacting scene.   That way the frames can be seen for longer and in a more playful way.  That's been taking me a bit of time, and might be a while though.

Since all scenes were so quick here are a few of my favorite pages layered together. 

I had to turn this concept into a fashion collection and a garment for a class so I'll be sharing that process next!

xx

Family Stories

My grandma passed away in January.  It was the first winter in 64 years that Robert didn't have his Helen with him.  Afterwards, he cut out a portrait of them together and placed it in a toy model airplane so it looked like they were still flying together.  He hung the plane in his living room so they could keep the adventure going even though she was gone.

I got the chance to come home a few months after she passed.  While visiting my grandpa I saw this little living room fixture and thought it was the sweetest gesture of their infinity.  That's what inspired this collage series about my family.  It made me remember how much I love story telling and how there are so many stories within one family's history.   

The series is made up with actual memories from my family.  Each story is about 4 or 5 different layers of cut out images glued onto clear transparent paper.   They were later bound in a book so it looks like one big collage story like the opening photo in this post.  In my next post I'll show what it looks like layered together.

Right now I'm sharing the stories separate from each other and with a short written explanation of each.

 My Grandpa liked to fly.  My Grandma would yell for him to come down when dinner was ready.

They had a lot of adventure together.  One of those adventures was my mom - Emily.

My mom became a painter and met my dad.  Kurt - the cowboy.

They married young and moved to Nebraska to live the life of wranglers on a ranch.

The wrangler life was pretty lonely and filled with run down trailers so they moved back to Indiana.

They had five kids who created all sorts of adventures.

One of them passed away and we all cried for a long time afterwards.

But he saved my life when I was 2 so that's why I'm here writing.

All of these memories - the good and the bad - make up who I am and the bigger story of my family.   What are your memories?

More to come

xx

Words where have you been....

 I've been so quiet this whole year.

There are several reasons for it, but mostly a lot of hard things happened that made it difficult to write about anything else.  But I want a voice again so I'm trying to re-find my words this summer.

I'm currently back in NYC interning for the break and I'm so thankful.  I became very burnt out towards the end of this year and the idea of New York was something that gave me a lot of hope.

I've been living in Brooklyn the past month and had a solid hour subway ride each time I had to go into midtown so I did a lot of reading.  I've been reading Eat, Pray, Love and there's this part in the book that made me pause -  it's that moment when Liz is with friends, and she's asked to give one word that describes herself perfectly as a whole.

I'm still trying to figure out what my word is.  I think it constantly changes for everyone depending on the season we're in.   Right now my word is "heal."  It's more of a word that I'm trying to get to.  To be healed.  I don't know what it looks like but I'm here trying to get that this summer.

My most healing moments so far have been just the nights I've spent sitting on the stoop of my apartment listening to Matt Corby and hoping by osmosis to soak up every bit of energy the city has floating in the air. I don't know if I feel fully healed, but I'm at least in a different place than before.

To quote a beautiful book, "I am both happy and sad at the same time, and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."  And that's enough of a change for right now.

xx

(The above collage is a project from this past school year.  I'm still editing it, but I'll post more from that project soon).

Updates

So many of you wrote such kind and sincere words on my previous "ice-breaker" post and that honestly meant a lot.  It made me feel less insecure about my slow posting time, which I admit is something that happens more than I like.  So thank you all for your encouragement!

I made A LOT this past school quarter.  I left Savannah for break only a few days after finals so unfortunately I didn't get a chance to photograph it all before I left.  I'll be back in January so hopefully I'll be able to then.  I do have a few detail images on my instagram though if you'd like to check that out.

In the mean time, I thought it's about time I share my website!  I got it up and running in the summer - there are still a few kinks and changes to be made, but overall I'm happy to finally have a working website. 

I'm currently back in NYC interning and working again over Christmas break!  I'm very happy to be back and I'll try to write more about it soon.  Till then, happy to be posting again! 

A Post About Nothing

I sat in front of my laptop for the past hour in contemplation of what in the world to write about.  I have written and rewritten three separate drafts, all with different topics, and somehow I'm still not satisfied with any of them.  They're all perfectly fine posts, I guess, but each of them has nothing to do with what's really on my heart or mind at this moment.  I think the problem is it's just been too long since I've written anything.

You know, it's kinda like that moment when you run into a close friend who you haven't seen in years.  There's so much to say, but you don't even know where to start so in the end somehow you talk about none of the really important things.  That's kinda how those past three drafts have felt like to me.

So instead I chose to write about nothing!  This post has no content other than to say that too much has happened for me to put it all into one post.  So instead, share your patience with me as I post this as an ice-breaker-post for hopefully better writings in the future.

Until then, I'm going wayyy back into the photo archive of this blog to when I was 15 and enjoying a long summer's day of butterfly catching.  This was back when I was still using a point and shoot camera and the 10 second self-timer to take self portraits.

Happy Friday!  

A Day at the Beach

All photographs are self portraits taken by myself using a tripod

Styling:  Esther Boller

It's currently a storming morning in NYC.  I can feel the rainy breeze, and soft echo of thunder coming in through the open window as I'm sitting in the living room writing this post.  It's quite the opposite wheather than these photos that I took last summer while in Michigan, but still non the less lovely.  I've always loved rainy days, and it's a nice change since it's been so hot and humid the past few weeks.  

I realized while editing these photos that I have not been swimming since I took them, and it's my quest to try to go this summer while I'm in NYC.  I've been researching free outdoor pools and I found one called The Floating Pool which looks like the most incredible experience!  I've been working 7 days a week for the past month, but the next moment I have a day off I'm making it happen.  

Outfit:  Swimsuit:  Asos, Swimming cap: Vintage, Sunglasses: Target

Also, while I was researching pools I found these cool photos of NYC swimming pools in the 1930s.  Aren't they spectacular looking?!

 Also, I wanted to thank everyone who said such sweet words about my cat Bobbie!  It was so kind, and he lived a long good life.  

Xx

Esther