Where I don't Feel Alone - For Daniel

(It looks better if you go to Vimeo and watch it from there).


Where I don't Feel Alone from Esther Boller on Vimeo.

On May 28, 2012, my brother Daniel died by suicide.  At age sixteen he was diagnosed with Schizophrenia.  For five years he went in and out of psychotic episodes multiple times.  During the final episode he decided life was too much and he wanted peace from the torment of his mind. 

Soon afterwards I began wondering what would’ve happened if he hadn’t ended his life; what would he be like in 10 – 15 years from now?  He made his decision and was ready to leave this earth, but I wanted to create a situation in which that wouldn’t have happened.  I wanted to make an imaginary flash forward to the future and maybe what it would’ve been like if he hadn’t killed himself.  I hope that he would’ve been happy and found a passion that he loved and worked towards becoming great at.

I’ll never know what my brother would have been like in the future, or if he would have found happiness that would have prevented him from committing suicide.  Although, I hope with my whole heart that in heaven he found peace, happiness, and freedom from his suffering.

This entire piece was a self-filmed production. 

Music: To Build a Home - The Cinematic Orchestra.
Older dancer: Mia Bendele - En Croix (Homeschool Ballet) Dance Fort Wayne.
Younger girl: Me

Wildflower Print Dress

Hello everyone! Here's a dress that I made just last week. I made it using the Vogue 1152 pattern with some minor changes made to the design. I didn't care for the original sleeves so I drafted my own petal style sleeves to give the dress more of a whimsical feel. I also added a lace inset to the front of the dress. Overall it was a really easy dress to make and I really enjoyed making it.

In other areas of creating, I've been working on a video ever since the summer first began, and it's now in the final stages of being finished. I'm hoping that I'll have time to post it sometime next week. I'm a little nervous though, because it's something that tells a very personal story. It's also different from what I normally post, so I'm hoping that you'll still like it.

Well, I hope that you all had an amazing week and are enjoying the start of your weekend!

Summer Flying into Fall

Oh wow, it feels like it’s been forever! How was your summer? What was your highlight? I always love hearing everyone’s summer plans (:

My summer just flew by way too fast. I started school last week and it has been going non-stop. I’m applying to different colleges this fall and it’s been so time consuming. Right now I’m just organizing all of my art work that I have done over the years. My room looks like a bomb went off, but instead of shrapnel being everywhere; drawings are spewed in every corner of my room. Haha.

This is a dress that I made way back in December. I just now got around to photographing it. It's fully lined, has a key hole in the front and an invisible zipper in the side. I have so many clothes that I made this summer and hopefully I’ll have time to photograph them sometime soon.

I hope that you’re having a spectacular day, and if you have time, I'd love to hear about your summer (: