Where I don't Feel Alone from Esther Boller on Vimeo.
On May 28, 2012, my brother Daniel died by suicide. At age sixteen he was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. For five years he went in and out of psychotic episodes multiple times. During the final episode he decided life was too much and he wanted peace from the torment of his mind.
Soon afterwards I began wondering what would’ve happened if he hadn’t ended his life; what would he be like in 10 – 15 years from now? He made his decision and was ready to leave this earth, but I wanted to create a situation in which that wouldn’t have happened. I wanted to make an imaginary flash forward to the future and maybe what it would’ve been like if he hadn’t killed himself. I hope that he would’ve been happy and found a passion that he loved and worked towards becoming great at.
I’ll never know what my brother would have been like in the future, or if he would have found happiness that would have prevented him from committing suicide. Although, I hope with my whole heart that in heaven he found peace, happiness, and freedom from his suffering.
This entire piece was a self-filmed production.
Music: To Build a Home - The Cinematic Orchestra.
Older dancer: Mia Bendele - En Croix (Homeschool Ballet) Dance Fort Wayne.
Younger girl: Me