It's been well over two months that I've been in Savannah now, and I'm definitely feeling homesick. I was organizing files on my computer the other day when I ran across these photos. My sister took these photos of Libby (my dog) and me while she was in Indiana this past summer. I didn't realize how much I've missed Libby until I saw these. My mom says that every time she's on the phone with me, Libby sits at her feet and stares at the phone like she's listening to me. How cute is that?!
Being homesick and away from close loved ones is definitely more difficult than I first thought that it'd be. Even more difficult - and what hit me unexpectedly - was the strong surge of grief that I'm still experiencing over my brother Daniel. Daniel committed suicide a little under a year and a half ago, on Memorial Day, 2012. Honestly, after the one year anniversary date of his death I was feeling emotionally better than I had all year. I was doing fine and I felt like I had finally moved past the most acute grieving period. I was so busy working and preparing for school that I was excited about the future and I didn't think about his death, or what had happened to him much.
Now that I'm in school, and in a place where I don't have to think about the future just yet - it's hit me just how much I'm still dealing with the grief from his death. Which is hard, because I wasn't expecting to have this hard of a time and that's hit me off guard. I often compare grief to the waves of an ocean. Sometimes they’re small, and gentle - while other times they’re huge, overpowering, and will come out of a place of nowhere. This makes it difficult being so far away from home and my main support system.
I've never realized before just how good it is to be around people who already know my story. If I'm sad, or upset, or just not talkative, my family knows why; even if I don't say anything. I know that new, strong supportive structures will be made in time, and they're already starting to form right now - but at the moment I'm missing home and I can't wait to see my family again in 3 weeks.